Silent no longer: A victim of childhood sexual assault tells her story

When her abuser died by suicide in February, Shana Pryor said she didn't know how to react. The Medina native saw the news reports of Frederick J. Miller, 71, who shot and killed himself in his home at 216 1/2 Dixon St., Wellington, while Medina police detectives were trying to arrest him on a four-count rape indictment. Miller, formerly of Medina, had been indicted by a Medina County grand jury. The alleged crimes date back to 1998 and 1999. The survivor of the four alleged assaults was a juvenile girl at the time, and now wants to step forward and tell her story. Normally, The Gazette does not name victims of sexual abuse, but Pryor wanted to use her name and picture, and said she believes it will help her heal and get over the horrible ordeal. Miller was a neighbor and a family friend, she said. He moved to Wellington from Medina County years after the assault. Once she was an adult, Pryor "came forward and reported the crimes," Medina police Chief Ed Kinney said. "They were trying to arrest him on that day," Pryor said. "He killed himself. He didn't want to go to jail. When that happens, some of that power goes away from the survivor. I wanted a case. I wanted to go to court and get some closure. When he killed himself instead of coming forward, you take some of that power away. You leave them stranded." She said she was "in shock" when she read that Miller killed himself, but Pryor said she wanted her story of abuse to come to light. "It was something I thought about," she said. "It was circulating around in my head after the story was published (Feb. 13 in The Gazette). I don't want to be silent anymore. When Fred committed suicide, it was a shock to a lot of people. I feel I'm in the place to do this (come forward with her story). "I consulted with people. I cried. I had done a lot of healing and that was being taken away. It's over just like that. It's over when he says it's over. When the abuse is happening, there's a power there. You don't just get to do horrible things to a child and get away with it. You do all that damage and then just leave. He got the last word there." 'A lot of weight to carry' Rhonda Wurgler, formerly with The Children's Center of Medina County, now works for the National Children's Alliance in Washington, D.C. She said she now advocates for 950 child advocacy centers around the country. Wurgler doesn't know Pryor, but said telling her story could be part of her healing. "It's important for members of the community to know she was groomed," Wurgler said. "The offender didn't just groom her, but her family as well. Many parents don't believe someone could do that to their child. It's not just the victim impacted by the cases. It's families, too. They carry a lot of guilt. "The victims have a lot of weight to carry." Wurgler said child advocacy centers around the country helped 330,000 abuse victims in 2020. She said those numbers will probably increase in 2021. Abuse started at young age Pryor was born and raised in Medina. She now lives in Akron and is a graduate student working on her doctorate in the counseling psychology program at the University of Akron. She is co-author of "The Tough Standard: The Hard Truths about Masculinity and Violence." "Fred lived around the corner (on South East Street, east of the library)," she said. "My abuse with Fred went over an extended period of time. I was maybe 5 or 6." Pryor said Miller came over with his son and introduced himself to her family. He offered to take her and her brother out to eat. "That's how it all started," she said. "This was someone who walked into our lives. It was a running habit, every weekend we'd go out to lunch. It's common for the survivor of child abuse not to remember when it started. I don't remember the first time. I remember several other instances." She said she's not an expert on the grooming process. Miller not only groomed her, but her parents as well, she said. "He was friendly and unassuming," Pryor said. "He would groom me with toys and candy. 'Hey, let me do sexual things to you and I'll give you candy in exchange.' I know that was his angle. 'Here's this piece of candy. I'm going to touch you now and afterwards buy you a toy.' " She said the abuse went on for at least a year, maybe longer. Miller would lay out candy all over the bed. "He would use candy to coax me (to do sexual things)," Pryor said. There were toys involved. It was a big mess of confusion for a child. What's right and what's wrong?" She said she never touched Miller and he didn't perform intercourse on her. "It was mostly using his hands," Pryor said. "The court considers any (digital) penetration as rape. It was a traumatic experience. Traumatic memories don't have a beginning and an end. There are only isolated instances." Temporary reprieve Pryor's family moved to Lodi, and she says Miller couldn't stay away. "I met Fried when I was in kindergarten or first grade and we lived in Medina," Pryor said. "About midway through first grade, we moved to Lodi. He came to Lodi and picked us up." The abuse stopped for good when she informed her parents about what was going on. They went to Medina police around 1999, but she said no charges were ever filed. When police asked her if Miller had ever touched her, she said, "No." "I was very young," Pryor said. "At that age, I didn't comprehend what was going on. It's taken me years (to figure it out). I couldn't grapple with it (back then). I was made to believe Fred and I had this special relationship. 'It's our little secret.' It's actually psychological abuse. "It's given me some closure to get the word out." She calls sexual abuse a "silent pandemic." According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, or RAINN, which is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization, 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 will experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult and 82 percent of all victims under 18 are female. Pryor said her parents believed her "100 percent." "No kid will make that up," she said. "They didn't push for it in the courts. It was the '90s. They were a lot more closed minded than they are now. My parents were supportive. They still are. "It changed their lives, too. They thought they could trust another adult. When they found out he was hurting their child, it was devastating for them." Pattern continued Pryor brought the case to Medina police for a second time in July 2020. "I went and told my story," she said. "I talked about it in (trauma) therapy. I spent years running from it. I didn't know if they believed me. It's been 20 years. I was scared." From there, Medina detectives opened a case and "ran it down," Kinney said. He confirmed there were other victims, which Pryor said she believed all along. "He was a repeat offender," Pryer said. "There were others involved. He was abusing other people. Some people are sexually attracted to kids and never (follow through on it). He knew what he was doing." Kinney said it's difficult to investigate a case from 20 years ago, but that his detectives used their "communication skills and corroborated stories and events. "It's unfortunate we were not able to bring him to justice before a judge," he said. Pryor said she doesn't want to say she was happy he died. "I was working on the case for a year," Pryor said. "When it was over, it was over. A piece of me was relieved. Another piece was angry and sad. It was a mix of emotions." Living with long-term damage Pryor said what Miller did to her altered her forever. "It changed who I am," she said. "I was a child before the abuse. I was not a child afterward. It changed me. I had fear of having kids myself, knowing what the possibilities are. I'm more vulnerable and (rarely) open up to people. You are a child. You are groomed. You see world as a safe place. After that, it might not feel safe any more. You are never the same after that. "I isolated myself a lot. I had shame. It might be my fault. I struggled to connect with other people. I was afraid, "They are going to hurt you.'" Pryor said she is divorced. She said she feels uncomfortable around older men and those who resemble Miller, who was tall and thin. Pryor said she wanted to inform people that pedophiles are in all walks of life. "They are everywhere," she said. "They are in the suburbs. Many survivors never come forward. People that abuse are people you know. A lot of times they are family members. If they are like Fred, a neighbor. They'll see someone they are attracted to and make something happen. "There are so many girls and boys that are abused that never get justice." Pryor said she's been able to move on with her life. "I kind of have to," she said. "I have to move on. I want to find closure, peace and love for myself. I want to be helpful to other survivors. I take it day by day to be honest with you." She's working on her doctorate degree in counseling psychology. "I don't work with kids, mostly adults," Pryor said. "I want to help others. I think I want to be a psychologist because of what happened to me. When you go through really difficult things, you can help people go through difficult things." One resource center that helped her was: https://hopeandhealingresources.org/ 'It can happen to anybody' Pryor said she doesn't like the word "monster" when talking about Miller. "I think he was a very sick man," she said. "You have to be, right? He had a family and was abusing kids on the side. It's a lot of work to groom children and have them not say anything. It takes a lot of energy to get people to like you and keep a family and marriage together. There's something wrong there." Pryor said the more she talks about her ordeal, the more she stands up for herself. "I feel confident about where I'm going," she said. "I've been through a lot of therapy and exploring. I've looked into some of those darker places. It's not my fault what happened to me. It's not any survivor's fault." "Fred fooled everyone. He was able to hide in plain sight. I don't think anyone but Fred and me knew what was going on. He was a charming man. He appeared to have integrity. It's a front, a mask. It's not real." She has a warning for parents: sexual abusers don't have a certain look. "'He looks like a pedophile,' 'That won't happen to me or my family,' 'It won't happen to my child.' It can happy to anybody." Contact reporter Bob Finnan at (330) 721-4049 or rfinnan@medina-gazette.com.